The Surreal Dream

My oldest kitty Jack (as some know) was dyeing over the past few days. Today…I couldn’t take it anymore. I had NO intention of taking him to the vet because I wanted him to die here…with me…comfortably. Today…He tried to stand and walk only to fall several times. We had had a rough night last night…up and down lots with him. I thought he may have to go to the bathroom, so, I picked him up and placed him in the litter. He then curled up in the kitty litter cause he couldn’t really move well :(. I scooped him up…dusted him off…and placed him in a comfy bed I bed for him in a box. I then made the appointment. I KNEW I couldn’t make him ride this out. As of 2:30pm today…My baby boy went to heaven.

Needless to say…don’t get TOO excited about me losing weight this week. I’ve had some empty needless calories with 3 glasses of wine AND ate 2 of the kids tiny chocolate bars today from Halloween. Not to mention…the 2 chocolates I ate yesterday combined with my lack of exercise and not getting all my water in.

I don’t know WHY I let these things control how I treat my body! Arrrrg…you know what? I’m REALLY tired…emotionally and physically very tired (can’t you tell…AWSOME spelling job). I’ve said my good-byes to my best buddy…hopefully I can pull my act together before the weeks over.

I know this has NOTHING to do with weight loss…NOTHING to do with motivation….and NOTHING to do with Support. I just NEED to blog this. I need to hear from my buddies. My cat is 15 years old and looks like he’s on his way out. I can feel EVERY vertabrea….he wavers when standing still…He can’t walk accross a carpet without sticking to it cause he can’t control his claws…He’s def…a bit blind….and has an odor He’s a chocolate Tip Siamese and used to have BEAUTIFUL Bright, vibrant Blue eyes. I used to call him Handsome .

Since I’ve seperated from my ex…I made him an indoor cat (about 11 years ago) in order to hopefully make him live longer. I’m looking at him right now…saying…”It’s ok buddy, when ur ready, I’m ready.” I have this CRAZY thought…to take him out…holding him…for a walk along our ATV trail. I want him to smell that fresh air again.

I know the day is coming soon…just not sure when . I feel so sad right now.

Chris and I were talking last night and I was amazed at how things are just clicking in my head this time! Last time I lost weight here I got down to 136…started to have a hard time losing…then figured I was fine anyway. The problem with this was I lost my motivation to even maintain that 136 and didn’t learn what it takes to maintain. I’ve decided that this time around WILL be my last. Once I get down to 136-135…I will put my myself on maintenance…stay on Buddyslim and LEARN what it takes for MY body to maintain. I’ll do this for 2 weeks to a month… then…If I feel I want to lose more weight I’ll shock the hell out of my body and drop my calories again. Between this and my epiphony (Bad spelling) about my “cheat” nights…it just feels like things are FINALLY clicking for me!

Well…I just wanted to blog that quick before I have to get my kids on bus…then head out to work . Hope you all have a GREAT day!!

In the past…when losing weight…I always aloud a cheat night. I still lost weight with this method BUT…always felt I could have lost more considering the effort I’d put forth with exercise. With this said…this coming Saturday night (which will be my cheat night) will be as follows with the “v.s.” (which would be the mistakes we’ve made in the past).

Apetizer = Asparagus Roll ups (low fat cheese and meat rolled around cooled steamed asparagus) VS = Bacon wrapped scallops

Dinner = BBQ scallops, shrimp and 1/2 chicken breast on dark green salad w/low fat dressing VS = Steak, lobster or shrimp, with rolls

Dessert = NONE  VS = None (we’ve never been big dessert ppl)

I’ve realized that treating myself doesn’t have to revolve around high fat/calorie food. I can treat myself with healthy foods we don’t eat often or with different healthy recipes I’ve always wanted to try Soooo….that was my light bulb over my head. I don’t need to consider high fat food a treat if I enjoy healthier options!! They’re treats too!! Here’s to Saturday night

MJ gave me the idea of rewarding myself after losing so many pounds. I LOVED this idea but I put a twist on it for myself that I think will be more exciting for me . I asked Chris (hubby) if he would surprise me with a reward every 5lbs that I lost with a BIG surprise when I reach goal. He thought it was a great idea and agreed :D. Because I don’t know what it’ll be it makes me want to reach each 5lb goal faster to get my surprise! I’m such a kid sometimes…LOL!! Anyway…I lost 2.5lbs this week so…I’m half way to my first surprise!! Woo hoo!! Of course…I told hubby that the rewards can’t revolve around food

Hope everyone’s having an awsome weekend and hope your weigh ins rocked!!

Hey buddyslimmers! Today’s the last day to sign up for Fitness Survivor. If you’d like to see how long you can survive check out the thread in the forum under “Weight Loss Challenges” . We have 10 contestants so far.

So….Since I’ve been back on Buddyslim my hubby (Chris) says there’s SUCH a difference in me ;). He’s noticed that I’ve been depressed the past 6 months and hasn’t known how to help me. Since being back here…taking steps forward…eating better..etc etc. I’m the woman he once knew . He said that seeing me this happy and motivated again is better then winning the lottery <3 . Gotta love him <3 . I say….Nothing can take the place of feeling healthy, feeling like you’re taking steps forward, feeling wanted, feeling like you’re bettering yourself . YES…I’ve been depressed….YES I’ve lost sight of what matters…YES I lost myself. All that is in the past! A few days ago? I Realized…..what made me happy was feeling good about my progress…about being here…about my overall outcome. Nothing compared to that.

Hope that wasn’t weird..LOL!! Just laying it out so I can look back later and remember WHY I started this journey to begin with .

Our Fitness Survivor challenge starts on Saturday! Only 4 days left to sign up buddyslimmers . Click the link below and join us!

 http://www.weight-loss-forums.buddyslim.com/weight-loss-challenge/7505-fitness-survivor-sign-up-thread.html#post373679

 For those here that remember me…you’ll probably remember my knee issues as well. Because of being off and on exercise because of it…I lost my drive to exercise at all! Since being back on buddyslim I’ve rekindled my relationship with wanting to be fit and healthy again. About 6 months ago my hubby purchased a spinner bike for me. Something I could do with no impact on my knee. I got on once or twice but didn’t have the motivation….till today that is . I forgot what kind of a high I get from exercise!! I can’t believe I’ve robbed myself of that feeling for so long!!! I’m on top of the world right now

My advice to anybody reading this…Stop procrastinating and JUST DO IT! Even if it’s only for 10 minutes! Just do yourself the favor and try….you won’t regret it . Lets get movin’ buddyslimmers!!!!

Now that I’m back on Buddyslim I realized that one of the challenges that motivated me the most was my Fitness Survivor. I’ve decided to do another one if there’s any takers ;). If you’re interested…check it out under “Weight Loss Challenges” in the forum or copy and paste the following link

http://www.weight-loss-forums.buddyslim.com/weight-loss-challenge/7505-fitness-survivor-sign-up-thread.html