surreal

As some of you know…today is my Birthday. I’m having a dinner here at my house for my B-day and my Sister in Law’s Birthday that was actually last week. So….I went out yesterday and got a Birthday cake. If it was just my b-day dinner I wouldn’t have bothered BUT…it’s hers too so I felt as though I should get a cake. This cake is like DEATH by chocolate and then some! It’s a chocolate fudge Brownie cake…mmmmmm….yummmmm. Brownies are my fav! So…..do I allow myself to have a piece? Should I pass it by? Can I be strong?? HELP ME FELLOW BUDDYSLIMMERS!!!!!!

I have to warn you…this isn’t going to be pretty. If you get offended by swearing…don’t read on!

 This has NOTHING to do with weight loss. Actually…maybe it does because if my hubby does this…my weight loss could go either 2 ways. Either I’ll lose a ton due to stress or I’ll gain for the same reason.

My hubby calls me from Alberta last night to tell me he wants to quite his job! Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME! It’s less then a month until Christmas and he drops this load on me 2 days before my birthday. He’s miserable working away from home and I get that. BUT…this was HIS decision to take this job. He started working on the oil rigs in August…quite the job he was doing at the time…and decided to do better for our family. So….not counting the debt we were already in…he accumulates MORE debt to start this new job. It wasn’t a big deal at the time because we knew the money would be good and could ultimately pull us out of debt.  During these 3-4 months..he’s managed to get his credit back on track and make it possible for our children to go to college and us get a mortgage in the near future. We are entering a recession here! DAMN IT!! He says he needs me to be supportive. I’m sorry..I just can’t support a decision that could FUCK our family! At the same time….his emotional health is more important. The company he works for does offer FREE counciling and the phone number is plastered all over the damn rig so….why hasn’t he called it? Wish I knew. He says he’s tried and done his best but…in my eyes…if you haven’t called that number yet to get professional help with your feelings….you haven’t tried hard enough or done all that you can. I’m scared for what this means for our family and mostly my children :(. They say this recession is going to be 10X worse then the one in the 80’s. I’m worried that if we suffer extreme financial hardship…I may recent him for this :(.  The last time I supported his decision to quite a job we ended up having to do a debt consolidation…..We had wolves at the door wanting money and a NEW BORN BABY! I just know that if he decides to do this now….before Christmas and before we have a chance to pay off all our debt….the outcome id NOT going to be good. WHAT THE FUCK IS HE THINKING!!!!!! *Sigh* Thanks for listening BuddySlimmers. I’m sorry this was long. I actually could go on for hours!!

I just found out today that a friend’s son commited suicide :(. I don’t really know them that well…more like aquantances but the news is just so tradgic. He was only 21 He had some difficulties with depression and some mental issues which lead to this horrible day for his family. He told his Mom he was going outside to have a smoke…she asked him not too…to stay inside with her. She fell asleep on the couch and woke up to his abcense. She went outside to find him and found him hanging in the garage. Despite her efforts….she couldn’t get him down. He was cold and already gone. His Dad cut him down….then they had to wait 4 hours for the coranor while thier son lay in the cold snowy driveway.

I hate that these things always happen around Christmas. I mean…I know NO time is a good time to lose a loved one but around Christmas just makes it so much more tradgic.

Please say a prayer for this family……pray God won’t punish him for taking his own life. Sorry to write about something so depressing. When you have children….those things just hit home…ya know?

On November 29th I will be turning……………………..35!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok…here’s something a little freaky….as I was just typing my upcoming age….I typed 29 :o…LOL! Maybe that’s the age I feel? Or maybe that’s the age I wish I was Actually…I wish I was 19 again…that was FUN! I can’t believe I’m only 5 years away from 40! Holy CRAP! Where the hell did time go? It seems like just yesterday I was in my 20’s and trying to figure out what was going to come of my life. Now…here I am…35….2 young (beautiful) children…..engaged for the 2nd time….divorced….and wondering what death is all about. Morbid…I know. I just can’t stop thinking about it though! I wonder to myself….will my hubby die before me? If so….what will I do? Will I die of old age or will I die in some horrific car accident? Honestly?…..I hope i die before I get so old I can’t fend for myself. Ok…I know…enough morbid talk. SORRY!

I’m a crazy women…I swear…LOL!

My own blood that is My weekend was a TOTAL bust! I had 2 birthdays and ate 2 small pieces of cake plus had pizza and didn’t do so well on my water Did GREAT on wine though!

So…I’m coming into Monday with a KICK A** attitude! There is NO way in HELL I’m going to let that show up on the scale on Saturday. I’m going to drink an INSANE amount of water from now until Saturday and kick my a** on the treadmill every day. This is how I get when I screw up…I get MAD and more motivated! Go figure eh? Maybe I should cheat more often…LOL! I plan on being a freakin athlete this week…I WILL Lose weight on Saturday. I’m only 2lbs from my mini goal and if I screw that up I think I’ll beat my scale against the wall

As you know…I’m a Personal Trainer. I spend most my time motivating others and giving advice :). Because I’m a personal trainer…people expect me to be the motivator….which I love to do! The reason I came to Buddy Slim was because since I’ve had my two children..I found myself with weight to lose and needed some motivation and support for myself :o. I have the know how…I just needed something, or someone to support me for a change and keep me accountable.

When I was preg with my children…the only time I didn’t feel like puking was when I was eating…A Trainers NIGHTMARE! So…when I had weight to lose…I got depressed about it….then I got mad….then I ended up here :D.

I just wanted to say THANK YOU! to all my buddies, my Phoenix babes, and my Fitness Survivor pals for being there for me :D! By running the Survivor challenge…it’s definitely kept me accountable and…by helping others…it’s helped motivate me! When ever I see how hard others are working…it motivates me to work hard ;). We’re all here for the same reason and I’m glad we’re doing it together.

YOU GUYS ROCK! <3 <3

Here it is guys! What we’ve been waiting 4 weeks for The crowned Soul Fitness Survivor and Team Fitness Survivor! If you were a part of the Team Fitness Survivor and were NOT eliminated…you can post the Badge Shawna created in your profile.

BuddyBabes won last weeks Lunge challenge and stole 500 points from Survivor Sistas…Way to go BuddyBabes! BuddyBabes also successfully saved myself from elimination…Thanks guys!

We started this game with 2 teams of 8 and ended with 1 team of 5 and 1 team of 6 People were unfortunately eliminated in name of the game but I’d say everyone put up a hell of a fight! Thanks to all that participated!

Ok…enough chit chat….here’s the stats….

FINAL POINTS

Buddybabes = 5927 Points

Me - 1704

StaceyC - 1071

Mindy - 1288

Allison - 750

Sandy - 1114

Survivor Sistas= 5854 Points

Shawna - 1118

Angel - 1255

Dee - 783

Stacey - 1609

Amy - 427

Danielle - 662

TEAM SURVIVOR

Survivor Sistas thought they had it all wrapped up but…BuddyBabes came through! BuddyBabes are our TEAM Fitness Survivor Way to go Team!!!! Feel Free to go to the Badge Central Thread and get your badge for your profile….you worked hard for it!!

SOUL SURVIVOR

This was a close one Stacey from Survivor Sistas and myself were neck in neck for a while! Although Stacey put up a heck of a fight….the lunges put me over the top. Sorry Stacey! That leaves me as Soul Survivor. That seems weird since I’m the creator of the challenge :eek:. If my BuddyBabe team mates were not able to save my a** from elimination this week…this game would have turned out VERY different.

WAY TO GO to ALL of you that participated! The Stats are really quite amazing! As a total…for 4 weeks…we have lost 78lbs! That’s amazing!!

CONGRATS To All!

Fitness Survivor #2 is under way….Let6s have another amazing month Ladies! Who will be crowned Fitness Survivor this month??

Ok…before I start this…I have to warn you…it’s going to be long!

Most of you know that my hubby works in Alberta. He started working on the oil rigs almost 3 months ago. It’s been VERY challenging emotionally for both him, myself and our two young children. He’s gone for 2 weeks…then home for 5 days then gone for 2, home for 5 days (you get the picture). The first thing you need to know about him and myself is that he’s very needy and I’m not. He’s very emotional, he’s a drama king and an alarmist. On the up side…he’s a FANTASTIC husband and Father. Very giving, understanding etc.. I mean…I know I don’t have much to complain about. He’s just mentally and emotionally EXHAUSTING me!

He phones me 2X a day…which is nice but…at least one of those 2X he’s unloading on me. He misses home and I know that….so…..he phones me crying and I have to pick him back up + I have to keep my kids in good spirits when they miss him. That’s my job as a wife though right?? He’s usually more of a mess then I am so I never tell him how awful I feel. I usually tell him to hang there…he only has to do this until March and then he’s off for 5 months! What job offers you that! His job before this was driving Taxi. He’d get up at 3am and drive for 12 hours…get home around 6pm and pass out on the couch so….he’s not gone that much more with this job. Not to mention the money is 10 fold better.

So he phones me last night (the second time for the day) and he’s concerned because I’m quiet. I told him I could only talk about so much since we just talked this morning. He said “You sound down…please don’t sound down :(” I told him I was feeling good…just tired :). Everything kinda went quiet again. It sounded like he was yawning so I asked him if he was tired. Turned out he was crying ;(. I asked him what was wrong and of course…I already knew. He was missing home. I was just so emotionally spent at that point I just couldn’t console him. I told him I didn’t know what to say because I’ve said it so many times! I just wish we could have a fun chat with out me feeling all bummed after I get off the phone with him after an hour. I told him I was going to let him go…it was 8:30pm…I was so exhausted after talking to him…I went to bed :o.

So…this morning roles around and I’m waiting for his usual call. He never called. You’re probably thinking I was a bitch and that’s why but this is NOT easy for me either. I mean…it’s ok if he doesn’t want to talk to me right now because I was maybe less then supportive BUT…he has children here that were looking forward to his phone call.

I guess I’m feeling a little down because I could have been more supportive. Sometimes I need the support to though and I’m ALWAYS putting my own feelings aside for everyone else. I’M SICK OF IT! Anyway…thanks for listening everyone :o. Sorry…I know that was a long one.

WOW! You all have done so well! We’re approaching the end of Fitness Survivor #1 and are all excited to see what Survivor #2 will bring I thought you ladies might like to know that between both teams…we lost a total of 69.5lbs! Woo Hoo!!! BuddyBabes has lost 26lbs and Survivor Sistas has lost 69.5lbs :o. Way to go everyone…you guys ROCK! Of course…we still have our last weigh in on Saturday so these numbers will change. When I calculated this…I just used the last posted weight I had for those that were eliminated ;).

I know this has been tough but you guys have really risen to the challenge…you should be VERY proud of yourselves!

If anyone would like to join us for Fitness Survivor #2 please go to http://www.weight-loss-forums.buddyslim.com/fitness-challenge/4253-fitness-survivor-2-a.html to sign up…it starts this Saturday