Have To Get This Off My Chest
Ok…before I start this…I have to warn you…it’s going to be long!
Most of you know that my hubby works in Alberta. He started working on the oil rigs almost 3 months ago. It’s been VERY challenging emotionally for both him, myself and our two young children. He’s gone for 2 weeks…then home for 5 days then gone for 2, home for 5 days (you get the picture). The first thing you need to know about him and myself is that he’s very needy and I’m not. He’s very emotional, he’s a drama king and an alarmist. On the up side…he’s a FANTASTIC husband and Father. Very giving, understanding etc.. I mean…I know I don’t have much to complain about. He’s just mentally and emotionally EXHAUSTING me!
He phones me 2X a day…which is nice but…at least one of those 2X he’s unloading on me. He misses home and I know that….so…..he phones me crying and I have to pick him back up + I have to keep my kids in good spirits when they miss him. That’s my job as a wife though right?? He’s usually more of a mess then I am so I never tell him how awful I feel. I usually tell him to hang there…he only has to do this until March and then he’s off for 5 months! What job offers you that! His job before this was driving Taxi. He’d get up at 3am and drive for 12 hours…get home around 6pm and pass out on the couch so….he’s not gone that much more with this job. Not to mention the money is 10 fold better.
So he phones me last night (the second time for the day) and he’s concerned because I’m quiet. I told him I could only talk about so much since we just talked this morning. He said “You sound down…please don’t sound down :(” I told him I was feeling good…just tired :). Everything kinda went quiet again. It sounded like he was yawning so I asked him if he was tired. Turned out he was crying ;(. I asked him what was wrong and of course…I already knew. He was missing home. I was just so emotionally spent at that point I just couldn’t console him. I told him I didn’t know what to say because I’ve said it so many times! I just wish we could have a fun chat with out me feeling all bummed after I get off the phone with him after an hour. I told him I was going to let him go…it was 8:30pm…I was so exhausted after talking to him…I went to bed :o.
So…this morning roles around and I’m waiting for his usual call. He never called. You’re probably thinking I was a bitch and that’s why but this is NOT easy for me either. I mean…it’s ok if he doesn’t want to talk to me right now because I was maybe less then supportive BUT…he has children here that were looking forward to his phone call.
I guess I’m feeling a little down because I could have been more supportive. Sometimes I need the support to though and I’m ALWAYS putting my own feelings aside for everyone else. I’M SICK OF IT! Anyway…thanks for listening everyone :o. Sorry…I know that was a long one.
I don’t think you were being a bitch. Don’t get me wrong here, I just have no idea what it would be like having a husband who is that needy. I personally think that job would be GREAT. I am tired of having my husband gone for months at a time…and twice now just over a year at a time. I’d much prefer the two weeks gone, five days home thing…doesn’t sound bad at all to me lol. And, to get five months off at the end! Sweet!!!!
Thanks hun
No, you were not being a bitch. You were voicing your feelings, which he isn’t use to hearing - and it is not your problem that he doesn’t know how to handle that. Don’t worry about the missed call this morning, don’t read too much into it. It is probably good for both of you to take some time to think about it. Hopefully your conversation this afternoon will be a good one.
You have every right to feel what you feel, and you do not have to put that aside to try and help others cope with their feelings. You deserve to take some time with your own issues, and I am sure your husband will come to understand that.
Hope your day gets better hun.
Hun I know how you feel! I’ve been in that same situation, and it is really hard to share how your feeling, and I don’t think you were being a “bitch” at alllllll! I’m sure if you wanted to you could have been
haha jk!!!
Thanks being so supportive you guys
You’re making me feel better about this. You’re probably right…I’m sure I’m reading too much into it. It’s just hard not to feel bad when he’s crying on the phone and instead of making him feel better…I’m getting mad! 
You didn’t do anything wrong. It’s not fair for him to basically ask you not to have feelings about this situation. It is great that he can rely on you, but you need to be able to rely on him too. It sounds one sided, which is going to overload anybody.
He’s always there if I need him…I think some have misunderstood. He’d listen to my feelings if I presented them to him…I just feel like I can’t because he’s always so much more upset then me
It is really tough to be away from your house and family for so long and it is really tough to be a single mom (when your husband is away). I hope that you two can communicate and get through this very tough adjustment period with this new job. This is a huge change to your family but it can be done! Dont beat yourselves up -its hard!
You were not being a bitch at all. I know what that’s like it’s hard having everyone depend on you and not really having anyone to lean on yourself.
My husband suffers from depression/panic attacks. When the panic attacks get bad I spend many sleepless nights talking to him, trying to calm him down etc. It sucks because you have so much to do as is and then to have someone unload on you 2x a day just drains you. It would probably be best to talk about it in person. Maybe just agree to use your happy voices and try to keep the conversation upbeat.